1.31.2006 Xinhai and some healing time

Well I'm not doing very well at sticking to my goal of getting to bed at a reasonable hour and waking up at a reasonable hour. From what mom says I've been a night owl since I was a baby. I guess I should stop fighting nature.

I was somewhat "productive" today. I got my butt out of the house and did some exploring without any accomplices.

In Taipei I live on the brown or Muzha line of the MRT (subway system). It's one of two lines that has above ground portions except Muzha line is completely above ground. I literally go from one end of this line to the other every day for work. One of the stops is Xinhai. Passing Xinhai makes me love being on the brown line.

I'm speaking with very little knowledge and I wish Han was here to fill in the blanks for me... but it seems to be Asian custom for the remains of the deceased to be put in tombs high high up in the hills. I say "Asian" because I've noted this in Korean movies too. So any high hills, no matter where in the city they are, are covered with these really beautiful ornate tombs. I've really wanted to do some photography of Xinhai but was worried that it may be "rude" culturally. Han told me it'd be fine when I asked.



So to Xinhai I went. I've never gotten off at this stop so I don't know the area. The tombs are all very visible from the MRT stop but the MRT stop is up really high. I didn't have success getting the shots I wanted but while I was roaming around trying to find a non-intrusive way to get up the hills (most ways seem to go through people's backyards or these tight tight spaces where people had their property or laundry... I avoided trying since I have 0 Mandarin).... anyway I kind of gave up but decided to explore Xinhai a bit more to see if I could find anything interesting or to see if I could find some vantage point to get a good shot of the tombs on the hill. While walking I found this set of beautiful stone steps (obviously meant for the public) going steeply up this mountain/hill.



Once I got high enough up I found a tomb :)



Unfortunately because I got a late start and because it took me awhile to find one I don't think I'll be happy with the results (I took film).

I decided to keep going and see how far the path would take me. I could see the mass tombs in the distance but not from anywhere I could take a clear shot. So I kept walking and discovered plots for future tombs amidst the bamboo trees. After I let go concentrating on trying to find a good shot I realized just how beautiful my surroundings were.

I couldn't hear the city (aside from the random firecracker going off), I couldn't smell the city... it smelt like forest but not a forest smell I'm used to..... and I could hear bugs and birds. I found a really nice place to sit, and I just sat.

(weird setup near where I settled... must be a rest area for the workers digging the graves. The ground was very soft under the chairs... like freshly dug ground)

It was a really good hike up the mountain, something dad would've really have loved. Everything around me made me think of him. He was supposed to be coming over this week to stay for a month if everything hadn't have happened. I wonder if I would've thought to try to take him to Xinhai and if we would've discovered the same place?



I don't think if I was home I'd be visiting my father's grave excessively. Dad always kind of turned his nose up at that and thought it was silly... but there was some comfort for me being near these well kept tombs in a place that dad would've loved to have been exploring too. The culture and customs here are very focused on the deceased and more specifically deceased ancestors.... there's some kind of comfort in being in a society that places value on that.



Anyway back to the forest. I think it healed me a little. There's a term called "data smog", google it. The idea is that we stimulate ourselves so much (with tv, music, cellphones, computers, etc) that we can't think anymore. I think this has been another form of intoxicating myself... I do it on purpose. I can't even fall asleep without some movie or tv show running on my computer in the background.... but up there, aside from the camera around my neck... that's all there was. Sitting on the soft ground, bamboo trees all around, mosquitos eating me... it was magic. It brought me back to when I was younger.... I looked around thinking about dad showing me how to tell what leaf came from what tree, what the animal tracks were, how to tell what direction you were facing based on moss and the sun.... it opened my eyes and I started discovering funny little things.

Weird spider webs......



strange tree knots..........



perfectly naturally positioned vines on trees............



My eyes were open again. I could've sat there forever... but stupid mosquitos and an urge to see if I could find another path lead me off.





I get how one of dad's dreams was to become a hermit way deep in the forest some day :) I got it at that moment.... I got it when I saw Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter and Spring last night......

I think I got some neat shots. I'll reference this post when I get them developed and post them.

update: 02/06/06 got the pictures developed...didn't even realize I was shooting black & white. How goth!

Labels: bereavement, Photography, taipei, taiwan, Taiwan day trips

McDonalds McRice pattie burgers

Well after a long day of adventures I figured it would be ok to get some McD's.... especially for the sake of something I've wanted to share for awhile.

Rice pattie "buns"! I think this is actually a Japanese thing. There's a Japanese chain here in Taiwan called "Mos burger" (best fish burger ever) that has primary rice pattie burgers.



This one here was the fried chicken rice burger. Very good. See coming post for days adventures.

Labels: gastronomical adventures, Only in Asia, taiwan

1.30.2006 My relatives are cruel, but so am I.

So in response to my things I miss the most from home post my Aunt Cathy, and Uncle Mo were kind enough to send me these pictures of themselves enjoying some Tim's coffee.



Well I have this to say in response....... It's January 30th......



Ouch it hurts doesn't it? :) Still SooooooOOooOoOOOoooOOOo behind on responding to e-mails (ie I've responded to 0) but it's really sunny outside and Taipei is calling, calling to me and my camera, and my brand new shiny tripod.

Labels: relationships, taiwan

1.29.2006 We (English speakers) do it too!

For a long time one of my favourite sites has been Engrish.com. The site pokes fun at the misuse of English in Asian countries. It's really "cool" to have English on things (clothing, bags, stationary, advertisements, etc) but the time or money isn't always invested into doing it right. The results are hilarious.

Michelle and I have always mused about whether we're just as guilty. We all know people who've had chinese characters tattooed on them, and many of us (myself included) buy random stuff like candle holders, various pieces of art, even bedding with characters all over.

Now there is a website making fun of all of the misuse of the asian characters by us. It focuses specifically mostly on tatoos, it's really great. Check it out here: http://www.hanzismatter.com/

I have actually been told by a Taiwanese guy I met recently that there are some tattoo artists in Taiwan who are malicious enough to put really really bad characters on people (on purpose). Some tattoo shops actually have picture boards boasting the awful things they've tatooed on people. Guess there are jerks everywhere.

Labels: Chingrish or Engrish

Yenshui: a film

Check this out! A documentary film being made in Taiwan about an annual festival in Yenshui (apparently close to Tainan where my friend Kelly lives). This is a trailer for the movie. Very very interesting with some really great shots. I'm trying to find out more about it.

Labels: taiwan

1.28.2006 Mission: Chinese New Year

Week One

Location: Taipei, Taiwan
Dates: now - February 6th
Accomplice: Meghan
Goals:

• take at least 10 rolls of film
• see Guandu temple again
• find the teabaths in Xindian
• visit the tea houses on the mountain in Muzha
• find a way to climb the mountain in Jingmei that has the temple at the top (used to have a view of this from our old apartment)
• go to the hotsprings in Beitou
• go to hotpot with Taiwan mom and dad (Hal and Jane)
• beat Meg at chess again over a bottle of wine
• go roaming around the backstreets and little alleys for some crazy pictures
• going scavenging for random stuff
• buy a sassy outfit and go out to a nice club to dance my booty off
• get caught up on responding to e-mails
• start work on my first short stop-motion animation films

personal goals:

• not care if people stare at me weirdly as I setup cool shots to take or if I'm engrossed in taking a picture
• get up in the mornings (ie not sleeping in until noon, or past noon)
• feel absolutely satisfied with how little, or how much I got done at the end of each day.

Week Two

Location: Bangkok and Phuket, Thailand
Dates: February 6th - February 12th
Goals:

Bangkok:

• cool city shots
• a cool restaurant
• not getting too lost

Phuket:

• taking at least 20 rolls of film :)
• swimming
• sleeping on a beach
• swimming
• riding an elephant
• swimming
• sleeping on a beach
• go to a temple with a reclining buddha
• swimming
• sleeping on a beach
• buy some cool jewelry
• swimming
• sleeping on a beach
• get lost
• swimming
• sleeping on a beach
• Thai massage (specifically by a blind massuse, I guess this is a specialty in Thailand)
• swimming
• sleeping on a beach
• kayaking and or canoeing
• swimming
• sleeping on a beach
• boat tour of the cool nearby islands
• swimming
• sleeping on a beach
• and eat lots and lots of yummy food

This is all really exciting for me because this will be my first vacation in Asia, and my first time in a country outside of Taiwan in Asia. Hopefully the first of many trips to come.

Labels: taiwan, Thailand

oops - I'm a'ight, honest

First off, I'm really really behind on responding to e-mails. Sorry!

Sorry for any concern I caused with that last post. It seems only 2 or 3 people understood.

In short, I can't verbally express myself very well. I don't like to either. Even with the people I'm most close to and who I know will understand the intent of what I'm saying or where I'm coming from.

I find when I try to pour my heart out verbally about something I have to get off my chest I spend so much time responding to the responses of what I'm saying that I loose focus on what I'm actually trying to say. I become so frustrated and flustered that I usually don't get out my points or I just give up.

There's a quote I've always loved: "Seek first to understand and then to be understood. Most people do not listen with the intent to understand: They listen with the intent to reply"

In being able to write things out in a place that's *my place*, a place that people only come to if they choose to, only read if they choose to... I'm finding a freedom and voice that I've very rarely had before. Because of this I'm not censoring myself very much. I'm writing things that I probably wouldn't say because I don't like making people uncomfortable. But again, this is my place... so it feels different.

Once I write these things out I'm usually able to turn the page. It feels like a cleansing. I've solidified how I'm feeling in writing, I've acknowledged it, and from there I can let it go or work on improving it.

Ok that said, I am SOOOOOOOOO behind on responding to e-mails and I'm very sorry. I will have no excuse this week for not getting back to people since I have a week to do whatever I want with.

Labels: bereavement, relationships

1.25.2006 3 months and a bit = paranoia and a dash of grief

I'm sorry dear readers but this is another downer post. I need to vent.

It's a bit past a day after the 3rd month of my dad's passing.... this one is a bit difficult on many levels.
This month has marked some extreme change for me. I'm more social than I've ever been in my entire life.... which is definitely good but it has put my identity in question, I have a boy in my life now, and I'm at a level of independence never experienced in my entire life.

But paranoia and a bit of pain sinks in......... the paranoia......as few of you may know when I received news of my father's fate I was in Taiwan...... when I received news that he'd pass and that I needed to go home ASAP I was about 2 days away from a vacation to Thailand.

Now I'm back in Taiwan, working, and heading towards Chinese New Year and I'm a week and a bit away from a vacation to Thailand. I wish I could say I'm dancing around my room in joy at my upcoming vacation but I'm feeling uneasy and suspicious. What will happen this time?

Last time I was days away from Thailand I about to receive the most tragic news of my life.

I'd give anything... and I mean anything... to erase the trauma of the past 3 years. Daddies..... realize, once your a dad... your life isn't just yours, no matter the conflict between you and your "baby's mama", or you and your baby....... you're welded to that life. As much as you'd like to think after ### amount of screwing up you don't influence that life anymore... you do. It's unbreakable.... it's not warranted but the love between a girl and her dad goes to a depth beyond anything you read about in a book or see on the tv.

I know that isn't the case in every father/daughter relationship but it takes a whole lot more work to break that bond than it does to create it. Nothing can easily cancel it out. I'm one of the few lucky lives to have had such a strong bond with a father that I doubt i'll ever have a love in my life that'll understand or accept me as much as he did. I'm not sure if having the type of love I had from my father was a blessing or a curse. It's set some incredibly high standards.

I truly lost my biggest fan and my foundation. I truly lost an extension of myself or visa vera. It's not perverse. Leave if you think that, I don't need you here.

I never realized how much my father's enthusiasm caused enthusiasm about my own life. Now I find myself questioning why? I truly have lost interest.... lost interest in myself, in all this. I feel bored. I feel boring. I know I'm living quite exceptionally but I'm in a rut. It took so much work to get myself to Taiwan and I always thought it would feel like such an incredible accomplishment but it really doesn't. That's a little disappointing. There's really next to nothing that makes me excited about the future. I feel a bit jaded wondering "why?". I wish I could get excited about whatever is coming next but I just dread all the paths I have to walk alone without my dad.

He constantly made me push my own limits.... his "wows", his "ooooos" and "ahhhhhs", his endless questions and interest in whatever I was doing...it can't be replaced. Everything I did with him in mind, everything I did hoping to make him proud. He made me proud of me, he made me excited about my own life.

It's strange... but Han (my man) has opened me to feeling again. I've never denied how numb I've been since the summer of 2005 or how I've distanced myself from my emotions but I never thought that feeling, just plainly feeling.... would open to me everything else. I've been standing on top of a mountain looking down at all my emotions belown and now I'm skydiving towards them. All the positive,exciting,loving feelings I've felt towards Han have opened up the flood gates. Now I'm having to deal with everything. All the grief, the anger, the reality is slapping me in the face with no forgiveness.

What I would give to be able to erase the past 3 years and live in that time in an infinite loop. I hate that the past 3 years, especially when they're the last of my father's life have to be filled with so much pain and disappointment. Out of respect I'm gagged and bound from going into that much detail............ but let's just say you should never judge anyone.

We have no clue what the day to day of anyone is. We have no idea what people have to go home to and to answer to once they leave the sphere that we consider our world, our reality. We all act, we all put on a facade of some sort, we all pretend we live normal lives, with normal families, with normal disfunctions..... it's cute, it's edgy, we admire each other's strength, but God forbid you have some pain that can't be wisked away by playful banter or by spending sprees or that isn't parodied by everyone's favourite nighttime dramas.

I don't know where it comes from but I think a lot of us get off on thinking we have everyone in our day to day figured out, but the truth is we know nothing. If you think you know what anyone of what your fellow 9 - 5ers go home to at the end of the day ........ you're disillusioned, or maybe just hypnotized by what you're fed by the tv.

My point is that we should never judge.... We just don't know. We all need to get down off our high horses, be patient, accepting and kind. We don't know each other's true fears, phobias, traumas, or abuse suffered... we all hide it. We take little responsiblity about how much impact what we say or do fhas on each other, how much damage we can do. What scars we can cause.

When did kindness loose it's esteem? When did being patient, forgiving, and kind become so uncool? Why do we have to let "cool" people and emotional vampires stop us from being there for each other?

The amount of people who have wronged me beyond all forgiveness occupy less than half the fingers on one hand... and that would be after constant attempts I have had to cement something with them... but then again who's to say that's not my own disfunction? I'm not self-righteous. I'm so far from perfect its laughable.... but I hope my opinions and thoughts count for something.

I don't want life to be predictable but I wish I could have some sort of foundation again..... I know I'm probably years or less away from my sister's passing, my sweet angel.... and then what? I wish I could be more graceful accepting all that's been put on my plate but I've already had to deal with a hell of a lot for a 25 year old and I'm pretty annoyed by it.... and really tired. I never asked to be put into these shoes. I wouldn't be less grateful for what I have achieved without all this pain and complication...... so why me?

I believe my point has been made. I'm annoyed. frustrated. feel like swearing, screaming and kicking things..... feel like tearing big bloody chunks out of the people who have wronged me, wronged me in these horrible times without so much as an acknowledgment.

I'm ok, really. I have some things to iron out but I'll be using my camera again soon as a voice. I hope I still have all those ears out there to listen.

I love you all for the support, I love you all for checking in on me. Please forgive me if I'm too raw or abrasive. I really need to embrace it and voice it when I have the guts to.

Dad, surprisingly, always encouraged that. He always wanted me to have a voice and to use it, even if he didn't always agree with it or agree with the style of how I used it. That's what made him such a great friend.

I can't say there are a whole lot of people who know Catherine but I have to say there are a whole lot of people who try and I really adore you.

Thank you for listening.

Labels: bereavement

1.20.2006 I'm having a hard time finishing my pasta tonight (aka there's an oil spill in my pasta)

Not quite sure what makes my garlic squid seafood pasta the colour of tar but I think I'll turn the lights off to eat it. It tastes really good despite itself.

Labels: gastronomical adventures, Only in Asia, taipei, taiwan

mmmm cake

bought my roommate a (belated) birthday cake on Tuesday. I think she liked it.

Labels: taipei, taiwan

1.17.2006 things I miss the most from home (ie Canada)

In no particular order...

• Tuesday night date nights with mom to watch Amazing Race
• Mom's homemade chicken with rice soup
• whistle talk with da
• lunchtime with Tammy (with frequent trips to the Walmart to buy stuff I don't need)
• sitting for hours and hours with mom and an extra large Tim's coffee at Saint's Rest beach (sometimes with a kite... how cute are we?)
• weekend getaways with mom to St. Andrew's
• being able to call Marilee a big wimp to her face (MSN just isn't Tim Horton's coffee specifically, or how about just coffee that doesn't come in the powdered 3-in-1 variety. yuck!
• Wednesday Appetizer night at Mexi's with the nightshift team :) (mmmm margaritas)
• beer & mario kart 64 at Joe & Jaim's
• love from poopnose & chaos
• making plans to watch "the English Patient" for the first time (that never pan out) with Jess :)
• shopping with Jess
• seeing Jess's awesome clothing purchases
• Amanda's AMAZING kraft dinner
• Amanda's smile & laugh (even though they are now located in Australia)
• Jaime's endless compliments about how good I look
• watching boxing & drinking beer with the Joe
• Evolve with Jess & Amanda
• weekend trips to Halifax to visit Brenda
• making up songs about grocery stores with Brenda
• talking about exciting world events, and about travel with Jess
• Joe ordering Mcmeow
• Rooooooooaaaaaaaaadddddddtrrrrriiiiiiip
• halloween parties
• hearing Patisms live
• complaining about stuff with Kiko
• potato chips that have flavours aside from seaweed & shrimp
• hair conditioner that works
• not being around girls with an average body weight of 100lbs
• indoor heating
• being 100% certain the food I'm ordering doesn't have animal intestines in it (excluding hotdogs & sausages)

I think that's all I have at the moment.

The point of this is to let you guys know I miss and love you a lot.... and that I miss reese peanutbutter cups and good coffee.

Labels: taipei, taiwan

lack of updates = smitten

Well incase anyone hasn't heard.... part of the reason I haven't been so great about updating the site is because I've met a boy....... and it's turned into a relationship.

After over 3 years of being single, being infatuated with someone.... especially with someone who's infatuated back... and someone I have soooooo much fun with is fantastic.

Anyway, I'm blushing now so I'll stop. We spent Sunday at Taipei zoo.

Luckily for you my camera batteries died or else I would have an excessive amount of stupid animal pictures. Instead I'll just treat you to these:

The really really exciting discovery in the zoo (aside from the fact that a Taiwanese guy with a White girl attracts more attention than most of the animal exhibits) is that there actually exists a creature that is a rat the size of a dog. I always joked around with Michelle that I wanted one. They're called a "Coypu". My batteries died before I could get a snap but check it out. Taipei zoo had white ones though. Much cooler. Craziness!

Labels: relationships, taiwan, Taiwan day trips

Confucian temple (Jan 8th)

Location: Tainan, Taiwan
Date: January 8th 2006

Labels: Photography, Roadtrip, Tainan, taiwan

1.16.2006 last, last weekend in Tainan (ie Fear Factor round 2)

I spent last, last weekend (Jan 6th - 8th) down in Tainan (my favourite weekend getaway spot) visiting my friends Kelly and Aaron. The bestest hostesses evers!

rr

Saturday started with a day at the coolest water spa I've ever seen in my life. A lot of hotels and even apartment buildings will have mini water spas that consist of a hot tub and a smaller square shallow tub with various shaped spouts that shoot various pressures of water.... but this.... this was the Disney Land of the water spas. If only I had the water-proof case for my Powershot I could've taken some pictures.

The place was *huge*...... like the size of a football field at least I'm sure. It had saunas, steam rooms, mineral baths (calcium and magnesium), tea baths... we're not sure what scents but we're pretty sure they were rose, green tea, maybe ecualyptus and aloe??? and some blue one... there were scortching hot tubs, ice cube tubs, a lazy river, a huge pool thingie with all kinds of crazy various waterfalls to beat up your back and neck with. They had foot pads that blew intense bubbles at your feet underwater (I think some kind of bubble reflexology), bubble neck and back massages, a "dumpling" pool that was just bubble madness.... and a room where you could lay flat on your belly and have and insane pressure waterfall on you from head to toe. It feels insane.... like 10 people simutaneously digging their fingers into you and dragging them up and down your body. I think that's it? oh how can I forget about the oldschool hairdryers (video to come)

After the spa action we had some good good eats and then headed out for badminton!

I haven't played badminton since I was 12.... Kelly and I had our butts thoroughly whooped by Aaron's mom, and Kelly's friend Billy. It was a bit embarassing playing since one of the Taiwanese olypmic badminton players was playing in the court next to us. I got a clip of them playing (video clip) but unfortunately accidently deleted it. I didn't know badminton could be so violent but it seemed like they were playing ping pong more than badminton. Madness.

Later we headed out for ginger duck hotpot. Hot pot is my favourite thing in Taiwan. Depending you either have a community pot of boiling water (for your table) or your own personal pot, which you throw food into to boil. After it's cooked you dig it out and, yum, eat it.

All the flavours of everything being cooked all blend together and at the end you're left with an awesome soup. So ginger duck hot pot included *every*, I mean *every* part of the duck. I ate some craaaazy stuff again. I didn't eat duck kidney, brain, bill, or feet, but I pretty much tried everything else. Including intestines, yes again, and ducks blood, again.

And I tried fish blood rice cake, see: (surprisingly ok)

After the feast we headed back to Kell and Aaron's for some Uno playin' and beer drinkin' Grace had the cutest sweater ever on.

Sunday I started to come down with the most horrible cold I've had since I've been a kid but I got to have some great one-on-one time with Kelly and got to do more scooterin! We headed to the Confucious temple in the evening and I took quite a few pictures. I'll put them in a seperate post. Nothing too fancy but I was rushing.

I like this picture a lot. There's a lot of random stuff in Kelly and Aaron's place.

Labels: gastronomical adventures, relationships, Roadtrip, Tainan, taiwan

1.01.2006 2006, year of the Sony

I went to a rooftop party last night thrown by one of my co-workers and friends (Ben). It was like a summit of the nations. Taiwanese, Canadians, Americans, Germans, British, Indians, Africans and some central American ambassadors.

We had a view of the Taipei 101 tower and go to see it explode with fireworks. Then the building was lit to say: "Happy New Year 2006 by Sony".

I thought we were coming up on the year of the Dog but I guess Sony is the new 13th zodiac. I will hunt down and post a picture but for now here's a nice picture of the tower and the moon. Taken with Andrew's camera my first weekend back in Taiwan.

Happy New Year everyone!

Labels: taipei, taiwan

shoulda been a blonde

So I went with my friend Jack to the world's largest book store. Ok I exaggerate but until I see a book store that's larger than 6 floors I'm not going to believe that it isn't.

We ended up in the music/movie section and I found Lost Highway for 78NT$!!!!!!!!!! That's like 2$ Canadian!!! And the DVD!!! Not a VCD, the DVD!

I have this really weird, annoying quirk of not owning my most favorite movies... or of owning all of the movies by a certain director except for my favorite movie by the director. It's a bad habit. Like how I own Snatch but I don't own Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. Seriously, what's with that? Lost Highway is one of those movies for me so I freaked when I found it. I love David Lynch.

So I quickly hand it to Jack. Me: "ooh can you read and tell me if it has English subtitles???!!!" (the box is in Chinese) Jack: (looking)

Then after a minute I grab the dvd from him, whack myself on the forehead, and say "I am such a dumbass".

English movies don't need subtitles if you speak English. I guess the concept of subtitles escapes me.

So now I have a Chinese release of Lost Highway. I've examined the box for some good Engrish. And I thought I had found some: "A psychogenic fugue."

I looked up fugue and it ends up being the most perfect word to describe this movie. It sums up the entire soul of the whole movie in the 2 definitions of one word better than I could with a thousand words:

fugue /fyoog/ noun 1 (Music) a contrapuntal composition in which a short melody or phrase (the subject) is introduced by one part and successively taken up by others and developed by interweaving the parts. 2 (Psychiatry)loss of awareness of one's identity, often coupled with flight from one's usual environment, associated with certain forms of hysteria and epilepsy.

I guess before I start incorporating words that fantastic into my vocabulary I should work on the basics first.

subtitle noun 1(subtitles) captions displayed at the bottom of a cinema or television screen that translate or transcribe the dialogue or narrative.

Labels: I'm a ditz, taipei, taiwan