First off, I’m really really behind on responding to e-mails. Sorry!
Sorry for any concern I caused with that last post. It seems only 2 or 3 people understood.
In short, I can’t verbally express myself very well. I don’t like to either. Even with the people I’m most close to and who I know will understand the intent of what I’m saying or where I’m coming from.
I find when I try to pour my heart out verbally about something I have to get off my chest I spend so much time responding to the responses of what I’m saying that I loose focus on what I’m actually trying to say. I become so frustrated and flustered that I usually don’t get out my points or I just give up.
There’s a quote I’ve always loved:
“Seek first to understand and then to be understood. Most people do not listen with the intent to understand: They listen with the intent to reply”
In being able to write things out in a place that’s *my place*, a place that people only come to if they choose to, only read if they choose to… I’m finding a freedom and voice that I’ve very rarely had before. Because of this I’m not censoring myself very much. I’m writing things that I probably wouldn’t say because I don’t like making people uncomfortable. But again, this is my place… so it feels different.
Once I write these things out I’m usually able to turn the page. It feels like a cleansing. I’ve solidified how I’m feeling in writing, I’ve acknowledged it, and from there I can let it go or work on improving it.